I'm not entirely sure where jealousy and envy come from in the human condition. Everyone knows how ugly these supposed 'emotions' are but I'm more inclined to believe that jealousy and envy are split second reactions as opposed emotions. Reason being, there are biological scientific arguments as to the reasons we feel anger, love, fear, comfort, and anxiety. But jealousy and envy make no sense because neither of these reactions do anything to sustain us as human organisms. Jealousy and envy are those raw cantankerous empty blips crossing my heart and mind when I see someone that supposedly has more than me or that person or persons experiencing a level of success that I've desired over the years. What's even more mysterious and downright annoying is when those folks whom I'm jealous of sometimes have this tendency to rub my face in it gloating over their victories with the firm belief that their buckets can't be filled unless somebody else's bucket is emptied.
So what can I do to avoid these split second reactions? I'm not sure if there is a way to successfully combat the exact second that I feel jealous or envious, but as the reaction attempts to emerge as something paramount and all encompassing in my daily routines and highs and lows, the best thing to do is look at the hard facts objectively with as little bias as possible in the hope of reaching a point where I'm counting my blessings as opposed to going over the same 'why' questions that orbit jealousy and envy. Important to note as well that to put myself in a frame of mind where I feel I'm doing 'better' than the supposed subject of my jealousy and envy is the same thing as filling my bucket with their losses or shortcomings which paradoxically brings me back to the beginning of the jealousy and envy in the first place.
Usually if I'm feeling jealousy or envy it's because I'm misinformed about something or perhaps the person or persons I'm having these reactions to have actually harmed me in some way that has nothing to do with my jealousy reactions. At any rate, my best and only solution to it is to hunker down and get to my own work in my own time and to fight for my own causes as opposed to being 'better' than anyone else simply to subdue the jealousy and envy.
Perhaps ignorance gave birth to jealousy and envy or at least they are kissing cousins. They must be. Because after a bit of research and work on myself or whatever it is I'm into at the moment I find that I don't have the time nor the resources to feel jealousy or envy.
As for the exact person or persons I'm talking about, I will only say that its coming up from my distant past and old resentments built around a memory of being treated unfairly and watching these same people thrive in their environment. As I looked at the whole picture logically, I realized that I am thriving in my own environment and that I would rather die a slow painful pointless death than to trade places with these folks. Truth of it is, if I were to approach these people they wouldn't know what the hell I was talking about anyway. It was me who had the resentment, not them.
So onward and forward. I'm usually poetic and musical in my blog postings but will have rants like this one to help me figure my shit out and keep me on the right path. And the only 'right' path for me is MY path and no one else's. While it might not seem like a big deal to anyone reading this blog, it took me 43 years of hard living and poor choices to learn this simple lesson.
Better late then never. Meanwhile jealousy and envy can go camp out and stay warm in someone else's psyche. I have no room for them.
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